First things first: happy spring everyone! It's official, t'is the season of rebirth, and I for one, am excited about it. Secondly, a bit of "spring" housekeeping, I have finally posted a couple of new pages which I hope will be helpful...
- The 8-12 months section of "Feeding Baby" (finally!)
- A new FAQ page, with various questions I have received from readers and my answers.
Now... (deep breath, it's a long one...)
This article written by Yoni Freedhoff, MD, calledslowly and in courses teaches delayed gratification. And it helps differentiate between the “desire to eat” vs. actual hunger. If we give a snack to a child every time he “feels like eating”, whether truly hungry or not, they don’t get to really sense hunger (I’m talking reasonable hunger here, not starvation obviously.) Just before mealtime, Pablo is definitely hungry (which is why he eats so well, and gobbles with amazing appetite his watercress soup and boiled leeks in vinaigrette under my proud eye ;-)) He has an awareness of his body telling him it needs some nourishment. The experience of that bodily sensation, in part due to delayed gratification, I think contributes to keeping this symbiotic relationship between mind and body. (I have actually experienced this myself as an adult.)
2. Prevent emotional eating later on
In a much broader sense, insuring a healthy secure attachment to our children (I found much wisdom in author Daniel Siegel's work, as well as in RIE and Janet Lansbury's work in that area) also makes it possible for them to listen to their body, to learn from the world, and develop a sound body and mind. I found in my own experience, that emotional eating can come from a void in that area. And attachment issues certainly have been known to affect a child's way of dealing with peer pressure, which can come into play when it comes to eating junk food.
Ideally, food isn't a tool, a means, emotionally speaking. For reassurance, for comfort. Yes, it a means of nourishment obviously, but I think it should be considered an end in itself. This way, it is separate from other activities, which we do also as ends in themselves (more on this here). We eat because it is a pleasurable experience and an opportunity to connect with our loved ones.
3. Avoid GUILT like the plague
One instance where I have seen older children “binge” on sweets or junk foods at parties, is because they feel they should do it while they can, as a product of frustration. And then the whole guilt vicious circle kicks in, which tends to stay with us through adulthood. I have talked about this telling study I read in Karen Le Billon’s French Kids Eat Everything of most Americans’ response to the picture of a chocolate cake, vs. most French people’s reaction: Americans think “calories” and “guilt”, the French think “pleasure”, “celebration”. I find this so revealing. Nothing like guilt and dieting to make you want to inhale a whole chocolate cake or pint of ice cream!
The French tend to talk much more about a balanced diet, than a healthy diet, they talk about “paying attention” to what they eat, vs. dieting or self-depriving.
French children definitely enjoy sweets or savory treats, and mostly, I think they do so guilt-free. Snack time (430p ish) is usually the opportunity to have a sweet treat, for example, a piece of cake, a pastry even, something of their choice usually. It makes those treats, in moderation, commonplace, no big deal, not something to pine for and gorge on at the first opportunity. A lot of French families bake together with children on weekends, and the cake is kept for snack time, creating a wonderful sense of anticipation, and creating a pleasurable experience.
The French would also let their kids have things like a few pieces of candy, French fries, some potato chips or cheese crackers, a soda or juice, on special occasions, on vacations, for the occasional apéritif (pre-dinner snacks and drinks usually offered to guests at a dinner party, to munch on before sitting at the dinner table.) So instead of creating guilt around those things, they create a sense of pleasure, celebration, and moderation at the same time. A sense that these things are special, to be enjoyed thoroughly - which is a nice little lesson in the enjoyment of the present moment as well. Guilt-free.
The French would also let their kids have things like a few pieces of candy, French fries, some potato chips or cheese crackers, a soda or juice, on special occasions, on vacations, for the occasional apéritif (pre-dinner snacks and drinks usually offered to guests at a dinner party, to munch on before sitting at the dinner table.) So instead of creating guilt around those things, they create a sense of pleasure, celebration, and moderation at the same time. A sense that these things are special, to be enjoyed thoroughly - which is a nice little lesson in the enjoyment of the present moment as well. Guilt-free.
That will absolutely be my strategy with Pablo, while emphasizing enjoyment, the “special” factor, moderation, the need for balance. I don’t want to instill in Pablo a sense of guilt every time he has, or wants a “treat”. The fact is, there are times where we all feel like eating something, even though we may not be hungry. Denying that is futile. Acknowledgement, enjoyment and moderation are key.
4. Explain it to him
That each family has their way, that we don’t snack indiscriminately so we better enjoy meals together. I have done this already. At 20 months, he understood that we didn't eat the popcorn offered in art class because we’re going to eat lunch soon, and it’s going to be delicious and we don’t want to spoil our appetite. Basically, let’s wait for something better. (And I guess a prerequisite for that, is that lunch is in fact better, i.e. that we eat well, things that are really good and enjoyable and flavorful. That argument might be less convincing if we were going home to eat boiled broccoli with dry chicken.) Which brings me to my next point...
5. Show him how good, good food can be
Meaning, cooking delicious meals, making the food taste good. And this is a commitment, for sure. A lot of people have told me they just don’t have the time, and absolutely, this is a significant time, and to a certain extent, financial commitment: to buy quality products, variety, to spend the time to cook them in different ways.
6. Be a model
Really, this is the most important way in which our children learn anything. They’re watching us, all the time. If we snack all throughout the day, yoyo diet, binge on junk food and then deprive ourselves of everything (all things I have done in the past, before I had Pablo), then that’s the model we give our children. In our family, we have really found a balance which I’m happy with as a model for Pablo: we eat well during mealtimes, do not eat between meals, we rarely have junk food, we splurge on little treats once in a while, in moderation, and this guilt-free, thoroughly enjoyable way to eat has, quite simply, improved the quality of our life.
Well, if you've made this far into the post (sorry, it's a bear!) you deserve a sweet treat... (Oh, sorry, we don't use food as rewards, forget that then ;-)) I have recently made chocolate pudding for Pablo’s “goûter”, inspired by a type of pudding I used to love as a child in
This is very easy to make, and incidentally, it has the same quantity of sugar as a fruit compote, if not a little less. Chocolate has many health benefits as well (cocoa is high in magnesium, potassium, zinc, iron...), and French children eat it in moderation, guilt-free, especially at snack time.
Chocolate pudding (homemade "Danette")
Serves 6Prep time: 10 mn (+ rest time in the fridge 2 hrs or more)
Cook time: 5 mn
Age for babies: 12 months and up
2 cups whole milk
1/4 cup quinoa flour
1/2 cup sugar
1 cup organic cocoa powder (unsweetened, non-alkaline)
In a pan (but not over heat yet), combine the flour, sugar and cocoa powder. Incorporate the cold milk, whisking vigorously (still no heat). Now turn on heat on medium and bring to a boil, whisking constantly. As soon as it boils, remove from heat, and keep stirring, until thicker (it comes to the consistency of yogurt, or maybe a little bit less thick).
Place in individual ramekins or a larger bowl, cover with plastic, and refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving. Stir before serving. (It can keep in the fridge for 3-4 days.)
I served it to Pablo (I had some too!) with a couple of Petit Beurre cookies (basically simple butter biscuits).